note to self: get over it

Stop dreaming about that attractive musician/puppeteer from the library storytime you take your babysitting charges to -- he is never going to reciprocate. Even if you laugh at his jokes, greet him by name before the show, or know all the words to his Rainbow Bus song. He probably thinks you are a single mother with two children under the age of four who only comes to storytime to stalk him. And you know what? He's half right. Library Pete is an understanding man, but you can't blame him for wanting to dodge that bullet. Sorry.



Dream on, creeper.

Note to self: listening carefully

When your boss complains about her backyard being overrun with hogs, make sure she did not, in fact, say hawks before you launch into a rant about the dramatic increase in feral hog populations across the South, the dangers of encountering them, especially those that have interbred with giant domesticated Russian boars, and that documentary titled "Pig Bomb" you saw about it on Discovery last month.

She's not from around here; she will not understand.

note to self: circumspection

Although a traffic jam may seem like the ideal place for catching up on things you couldn't do while piloting a vehicle, remember you have four windows and are surrounded by people. You won't realize the old Geoffrey Rush lookalike in the convertible next to you is watching you check your underarms until it's much too late.

note to self: rural DMVs

Don't be too worried about passing your license exam -- half the test is dodging the wild turkeys in the parking lot.



This picture doesn't really reflect our topic, but geez is it scary.
Turkeys walking upright: WTF are we gonna do now?!

note to self: interpreting mixed signals

Just because the cute IT guy is polite and deletes your virus does not mean he wants to hook up. Then again, maybe it does. Too bad you destroyed your chances by telling him to "kill it with fire" and asking questions about putting a waffle in the DVD drive. Better luck next time.






Has this advice ever worked for you? When will you ever learn?

Note to self: modern idioms

The phrase "hot mess" does not mean what you think it does. Do a little research before spreading this around.

note to self: laughing at others' embarrassment

When the guy walking in front of you says hi to someone going the other way and is ignored, don't laugh. He will turn around, and he will be pissed. Also, quickly looking away and pretending to read posters on the wall won't make him think it was someone else. I know you were thinking this would be a great first meeting scenario for a romantic comedy, but really it's more likely this will end with your windshield being kicked in. Just saying.