I think you deserve an explanation.
When I saw how heavily it was raining outside, I figured it was probably time to fix my umbrella, which was coming apart after surviving years of service and gale force winds on two continents. I didn't have any real fix-it materials, but discovered I could reconnect most of the metal parts with broken paper clips. I was pretty proud of my MacGyver skills, and went outside. While I didn't expect this to be a permanent solution, I also didn't expect that within 10 seconds the wind would whip through my umbrella and dislocate everything I'd fixed, shooting you, the innocent b.s., with bits of paper clip shrapnel in the process. I hope you weren't hurt--you seemed okay enough to jump away. I guess you could try to sue me or whatever, but you wouldn't get much. Let's face it: my life is held together by office supplies.
Ceci n'est pas un parapluie... but it is an accidental weapon. Watch out, bystanders of the world.
special edition: note to innocent bystander
note to self: shady characters
That weird hissing noise and industrial smell at the crosswalk isn't the result of construction or painting: it's the guy behind you huffing something out of a plastic bag. Don't turn around.
note to self: airports
When picking up your luggage after a delayed, crowded flight and have only minutes to make your next one, it's a bad idea to try to pull your bag off the conveyor when its mostly buried under other people's. It will be stuck, and you will accidentally rip the wheels off while people stare at you. Also, when you check the tag, it turns out to be someone else's bag. Just throw it back on the conveyor, hope Delta has an insurance policy, and get the hell out of there. 
note to self: introductions
When someone introduces themselves, it's never okay to respond with "I know". Even if you've lived in the same building for two years and have mutual friends, there's no way you're coming out of this looking like anything but a freaky creep. Sorry.