special edition: note to innocent bystander

I think you deserve an explanation.
When I saw how heavily it was raining outside, I figured it was probably time to fix my umbrella, which was coming apart after surviving years of service and gale force winds on two continents. I didn't have any real fix-it materials, but discovered I could reconnect most of the metal parts with broken paper clips. I was pretty proud of my MacGyver skills, and went outside. While I didn't expect this to be a permanent solution, I also didn't expect that within 10 seconds the wind would whip through my umbrella and dislocate everything I'd fixed, shooting you, the innocent b.s., with bits of paper clip shrapnel in the process. I hope you weren't hurt--you seemed okay enough to jump away. I guess you could try to sue me or whatever, but you wouldn't get much. Let's face it: my life is held together by office supplies.

Ceci n'est pas un parapluie... but it is an accidental weapon. Watch out, bystanders of the world.